Tuesday, November 18, 2014

A Question, An 'I Told You So' and A Confession

Question: Do people, regular people, really spend countless hours creating the Thanksgiving table decor I keep seeing all over the internet? I'm being serious. Like, for reals. Beautiful dishes are one thing. That I can understand. But glittered woodland creatures? Hand-dipped pine cones? I don't get it. And I'm crafty!

But people, it's just a big dinner. With pie at the end. I'm really lost on this one. Pinterest is even sending me table ideas directly into my email. What? You wanna know what I really need? Um, I need ideas on how to get teenagers to speak like they're normal. LOL.

I Told You So: Musical auditions have begun. In our house, that's a crazy big deal. And here's what's so funny-- they have to sing AND dance. This now falls on the shoulders of the child who refused to continue dance lessons when she was younger. Oh, how I begged and pleaded. I even said, "You'll wish you never quit one day." I probably even said it with my outside voice.

And today, as she's practicing these dance moves, I'm right. There are not enough words to describe the joy. It's a scrapbook moment. I've got to start being right more often, because this feels amazing!

A Confession: The other night, I couldn't sleep. Like, Restless Leg, couldn't sleep. Except, it was more of a Restless Body. It was making me crazy. So, I got this idea. "I'll do some jumping jacks."

It's around 3:00 am, my house is pitch dark and I decide to stand in my family room and jump some jacks. Guess what? After 6, I peed my pants.

It doesn't get any truer than that.
Clearly, jazzercise is not in my future.

Happy random Tuesday.
Keep your jumping jacks behind closed doors.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Hang Up Your Thankful

Let's speak truth for a minute, shall we? Here's the thing. I'm a crafty gal. You know this, I know this. But for some reason, (ok, many reasons) I rarely post that part of my life here. First off, I'm always worried about the awesome dude readers. They're my fave. Actually, they are the ones that talk to me most about what they read here. It cracks me up and shocks me. Every single time.

And then there's the pictures. I don't have a fancy camera. Just my iphone (the only reason I have it). And what if you think it's dumb? Or I'm weird? The list goes on.

But there's this craft that I actually took pics of along the way. And I've had it stored on my phone for some time. Today I'm throwing it up here on a whim. Sorry dude readers. You're still the bomb. If you actually decide to make this craft, hunt me down and tell me. For reals. I'll even use my phone to take your picture.

Here's what you'll need: Material, small embroidery hoops and chipboard letters.

Start by placing the fabric in each hoop. There's no fancy way to do this. Just clip it on. Tight. Then cut around the edges. I picked a fabric that I wouldn't have to worry about straight lines or following a pattern direction.

Turn over each hoop and hot glue the remnant edge inside the hoop.

Hot glue your letters on the hoops.

In order to hang these up, you need to string them together. Any twine or string will work. This white/gold stuff I had on hand. Make sure the length is very long and just start looping around each hoop screw top. Make sure each hoop is placed evenly apart.

I hung mine above my kitchen sink. You could hang them anywhere, really. Just use nails to secure the string. I actually tied the string around the nails. The garland is a little heavy.

Voila! I added spool and pom pom garlands on top, but you could just leave it plain. And you can pick any word to hang up. Your last name? Your favorite word? (by the way, mine is 'kerfuffle').

Now. I command you to craft this weekend. Get to it.
I'll be painting Child #3's bedroom. Pray for patience.

Friday, November 7, 2014

The Worry List

You guys. I'm a worrier. Did you know? An incessant worrier. And I'm married to someone who is of the "just don't think about it" variety. It's irritating. In an adorable, married foreves sort of way.

You wanna know what else? I generally don't ever talk about my worries. To anyone. So, I'm an internal worrier. My sister thinks my internalizing is causing all my pain issues. Every time she brings it up I visualize choking her, and it makes me feel all sorts of better.

I feel like this Friday is a good day to self talk my worries to the internet. How about I give you some of mine, and you can give me some of yours. It will be a Worry Fest. Instead of praying together, we can worry together. There's strength in numbers. For really reals.

1. I cleaned my closet this week. I know that sounds so ordinary. But I'm not kidding when I tell you that I lost part of my soul in the process. It was grueling.

Here's where it gets weird... My dream job is to do this for other people. And to decorate too. So I can't figure out why this whole process nearly sucked the life out of me. Maybe my own crap is just too much to handle. Maybe I only like other people's crap. I think that makes me a head case.

2. Child #1 is working on the college applications. The other day she was showing me the checklist of what she still needs to do. I almost threw up. Honestly. I kept looking at her and thinking, "This time next year you won't be here." And I wanted to weep. Big, huge tears.

Because, here's the thing. They get to this age and you like them. She has become my friend. Why on earth would I want her to leave for college? It's like a cruel trick. I'm trying to get over it. Really, I am.

3. I didn't vote this week. That makes me a terrible citizen. The worst part? I don't even care.

4. My parenting skills are on the down-slide. This is really nothing new, just something that's blaringly apparent at times. Like last night. When I'm having a conversation with one of the teenagers. And I realize that I just want to give in because I know this topic makes her feel bad. I just want to take all the rules and consequences back. But duh, that's not how life works. Even if I want it to.

5. I really don't like daylight savings time. Like, really, really.

6. I miss my dad. Like, so much. I wish I could call him on the phone. Wishing is a really painful endeavor sometimes. If you have a dad that's only a phone call away, call him. Today. And count your blessings.

7. I have an unhealthy obsession with People magazine. My current subscription just ran out and now I feel like there is no reason to keep on living. What could there possibly be to look forward to if that booklet doesn't arrive in the mail every week?

8. I discovered last week that Child #1 doesn't know how to make scrambled eggs. What?! How have I not taught her this skill? She's going to starve in college.

That's it. Just for today. Maybe.
Lay your worries on me. Come on, we're in this together.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

What She Does At Church

Child #1 is gifted.


Do I have it professionally framed?

Monday, November 3, 2014

October 8

I have 2 favorite writers that I stalk. I mean, "follow". And one of them always hosts one of those link-up kind of parties at the end of every month. You're supposed to list all that you've learned in the last 30 days. The quirky and the serious. But here's what's so funny-- I'm old enough that I'm starting to forget what I learned during the month. Ya? Who's with me?

As of this morning, here's what I can remember. Get ready, good stuff (not really):

1. The Husband is officially disgusted with my inability to use my iphone to it's maximum potential. He has gone so far as to stamp his foot like a girl and claim, "That's it! I'm getting you a Motorola flip phone." Ouch.

So, this is the deal. I have 3 apps on my phone. Oh yes, just 3. I use them sparingly. Basically my iphone is used to text my kids, my sister, and the 3 friends I have. And to store my pictures. I loooovvveeee me some pictures. As proof, I just checked and I have 2,275 currently. Right now, on my phone. I'm pretty sure all my gigs/storage/spacey stuff is used just for that.

And don't you dare bring up the Cloud! I have issues. Deep issues. I am NOT uploading all my pictures to The Cloud!!!!!! I've decided it's not even real. A hoax. It's just sending all your personal information into thin air. Geez, that's so dumb.

2. Just in case you're wondering, because now you know my picture total status. I just checked my kindle (the one I "borrowed" from my mom 4 years ago) and I have 412 books downloaded onto that baby. Good heavens, that just gives me goose bumps. I am a rock star! Who reads a lot. Oh, and takes pictures.

3. Speaking of pictures, here's one:
Every Sunday before church, The Husband gathers wintergreen life savers and puts them in his suit coat pocket. So he can have a snack during worship services. It's totally adorable in a little boy sort of way.

4. You know I heart Pinterest. Like, bunches. But, did you know that I have never opened an account? I don't even know if that's the right word. I have a snarky, obsessive personality and I just know that all my focus would drain into pinning and categories and more pinning.

5. Speaking of Pinterest. I have an issue. Take a deep breath. Let's discuss.
I'm getting irritated with the need to post exercise motivation quotes. Come on people, it's weird. Be honest. Sure, exercise is a good thing. But, seriously? It's reached the same annoying scale of the "stand-in-a-wheat-field-and-photograph-my-pregnant-belly".

Just think if we could channel that motivation into something, oh I don't know, more real life? What about parenting? Or grocery shopping? What about quotes to help me get through homework battles with my teenager? Pah-Leaze! There just has to be more to life than working on your desire to go running. I'm sure of it.

6. Speaking of real life. You won't, simply won't, believe what happened just last week. Shield your heart and eyes:
I got a new batch of acorns delivered to me by the hands of a beautiful 6 year old. So I placed them with my other collected acorns. And after a few days, a creature hatched. Do you see it down there at the bottom of the picture? Oh, glory heavens. I started screaming. For reals. My acorns had been defiled!!

I spread them all onto a tray and cleaned them. And threw out the offending acorns. Trust me, this is serious business. Clearly I think exercise motivation is just foo-foo stuff. But acorns? Serious, serious, stop the world stuff. I am so on top of my priorities. I'm not even going to tell you that I have spent hours hot gluing the tops onto the bottoms, just so they don't lose one another. I think it's a sickness.

7. And just for fun, this is what the Baby Child does when she's bored. Total adorb-zies:

8. And let it be written, that this month, I no longer feel 43. I feel like I'm 80. Is that normal? Maybe I'll ask Pinterest.

Welcome to November.
The month where mothers everywhere realize they have to start Christmas shopping. Holy heavens, that's depressing. No wonder I feel like I'm 80.

Saturday, November 1, 2014

A First

Back in the day, there was a Cheetah, a Spy and a Butterfly.

And now? Now there's just a lovely Minnie Mouse.

The others are too cool to change out of their pajamas. Which is like the signature look for teenagers. So, at least I have the beautiful Baby Child who is willing to dress up. But she is definitely too old to trick or treat with her parents. It was her and a friend and Halloween was their Boss!

This is the first year in EVER that the Hubs and I didn't tag along after children as they ran house to house. We stayed home. Alone. And passed out candy while we watched TV. It was epic. And a little weird, all at the same time. I think this is our new phase of life. Sitting at home while the offspring jaunts away. I like it and I don't like it. Make sense?

Children #1 and #2 went to a party. I believe the goal was to watch a "scary" movie. I texted them at 10:00 pm and asked for a picture so I could have proof of what they looked like for Halloween. They sent back a picture of black air. You know, because they were watching a movie. Duh. If I scrapbooked, I be puzzled by that one.

This morning, the day after, I look around and it feels like Halloween barfed all over my house. There's a sunken pumpkin, candy, wrappers and costume parts. Do you think there's such a thing as a candy hangover? If there is, you'd think I would have had one by now. But I'm pretty sure my sugar tolerance is pretty high. Hey! Maybe they have a Candy Breath-alizer test. You know, and you can't drive if you've eaten more that 2 pounds of candy. I better look into that.

Happy November, friends.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

She Keeps Me Young-ish

There are just certain things that I forget to do with the Baby Child. Like, pumpkin carving. She's been begging for a week. And I keep thinking to myself, "Haven't we done this a bunch of times already? I thought we were over it." And then I remember that she is Child #3. The first 2 are over it, but she's not.

I don't ever want her to feel like she missed out, just because she showed up at the end of the family. Most of the time I think she's pretty lucky. The other 2 burned me straight out. So I let her get away with pretty much everything. A few days ago she said to me, "Stop talking to me because you're really getting on my nerves." So, I did just that. I stopped talking to her and walked away. She ain't my first teenager to tackle.

But this year, pumpkin carving didn't even enter my mind. I just assumed all the children were too old for it. Apparently not. So I scooped up a pumpkin at the Walmart and the Baby Child was ridiculously excited. She washed and carved it. But she wouldn't stick her hands inside to pull out the guts. Turns out that moms are good for something after all.

And now I'm left wondering what else I've missed with her. Did we go to the park enough? What about Happy Meals and the McDonalds playland? Poor girl probably needs a new mom with more energy. Or she can make do with the one that lets her eat Red Hots for breakfast. With chocolate milk, of course.